The Onion-owned clickbait parody site ClickHole has rebranded as PatriotHole, a parody of sensationalist conservative “news” sites and conspiracy blogs like Breitbart, Infowars, LifeZette, or The Blaze.
The site’s tagline, “A Loud Light in the Darkness” manages to mock both the screaming, outlandish headlines of right-wing news outlets that rely on Facebook shares and The Washington Post’s controversial new slogan “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” It’s a wild time, and it’s hard to believe that it’s even possible to parody.
By way of introduction, PatriotHole lays out a lengthy mission statement with several passages of all-caps exclamation and this invitation to readers:
“You are either on our side or you are the tyrant. You are also enslaved. Some of you may also be stuck in some sort of quicksand. If God hadn’t accidentally burned His hands off in that vat of acid, He would click on PatriotHole a billion times per second. So do His work, and America’s work, and explore the red-blooded truth. Your unborn, non-aborted children will scream ‘thank you’ across the ages.”
The first posts include headlines like “Hell Yes, Baby, It Is The Special Choo-Choo Medicine Called Coal! The Patriotic Vegetable That Comes From Mountains!!!,” “Commander In Strong: These 4 Pictures Of Donald Trump Not Being Attacked By Birds Prove That He Has Utter Dominion Over The Skies,” and “An Abortion Doctor So Sexual That Your Daughter Gets Horny For A Third-Term Procedure? Believe It. His Name Is Ahmed.” Whoo, baby.
This isn’t the first time ClickHole has rebranded — most recently the site changed its name to Cruft for one day in February and refused to explain why beyond stating “the name Cruft actually has no relation to the 1972 movie Cruft because that movie does not exist.” The Onion also pretended that it had sold itself “to the Chinese” for about two weeks in 2009. The rebrand is probably a stunt, and it’s doubtful this is the last we’ve seen of ClickHole Classic. But it’s a pretty good joke.